If, tomorrow, a friend handed you a rare and exotic flower, would you know how to care for it? Would you know exactly how to nurture it so that it would thrive?

Would you intuitively know how much to water it? What amount of sunlight it required? How frequently to fertilize it?

No? Me either.

Thankfully, we live in the age of Google. I’m fairly certain both of us would go online and search for “how to care for a ____,” then follow the directions.

But how many of us have ever Googled “how to care for a human”? How many of us have paused to consider, “Do I know exactly how to nurture myself so that I thrive?”

Have you ever asked yourself that?

I didn’t. Once upon a time, I was an alcoholic depressive who had no idea how to tend to my human needs. I thought some people were born lucky and they thrived, and others (like me) were born broken and they floundered.

Fortunately, I was wrong. I wasn’t broken. I was a human with unmet needs. My stress levels far exceeded my resilience set point and I needed to make some changes.

Once I did, everything got better—and it stayed better. Today, I consider myself a human who is flourishing.

In order to thrive, most of us need to first clear the poison from our systems:

1. Resolve trauma

2. Calm down our nervous system

3. Reduce inflammation

4. Clean up our environment & limit exposure to toxic chemicals

5. Release “junk values”

Then, once the poison is clear, we have to tend to our human needs:

1. Social support

2. Nature & sunshine

3. Movement

4. Purpose

5. Engaging hobbies

6. Touch & pleasure

7. Quality sleep

8. Clean water

9. Nourishing foods

10. Shelter

11. Security

In my experience, each of us has a unique “thriving formula.”

You may require a higher daily dose of social support than I do. I may require more time in nature than you do.

One of my brothers, for example, has yet to eat a substance that I consider to be food, but he is perfectly happy and healthy. I’d be an anxious, exhausted wreck if I ate what he ate. But it doesn’t impact him overmuch.

That’s how it should be. An orchid thrives in different conditions than a succulent. You may thrive in different conditions than your partner. But each of us needs most of the things on the list above. Our job is figuring out what we need and how often we need it.

If everything above seems wordy, here’s a blunt summary:

If you are a human who isn’t flourishing, if life feels more like a chore than a privilege, there’s probably a reason.

If society has failed you and you wake up in the morning to go to a job that you hate, then come home and eat potato chips in front of the TV until it’s time to go to sleep because that’s all that you have the energy to do, there’s a reason you don’t feel good.